


The LOLcats ov Ulthar

by dark_roast



Category: Cthulhu Mythos - H. P. Lovecraft, LOLcats
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-01-07
Updated: 2008-01-07
Packaged: 2017-10-10 06:48:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/96807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dark_roast/pseuds/dark_roast





	The LOLcats ov Ulthar

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Cats of Ulthar](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/1100) by H.P. Lovecraft. 



**The LOLcats ov Ulthar**  
writ bai  
~~Philomena Guinea~~ H.P. Luvcrap 

Dey sez in Ulthar, no peepz shud be killin kittehs, 4 da kitteh iz kryptik, &amp; knoes strange tings dat doodz dunno. My aynshunt seekrits. Let me show u them:

Teh kitteh iz teh soul ov Old Egippt, n deh bearr ov tails frum furgottn citeez in Merrrrowww n Ofur. Iz kin 2 teh jungle lordz, n hair 2 secrets ov Afurka. Teh sfinx iz kitteh's cuzzin. Teh kitteh speakz lolsfinx, but kitteh iz moar ancient than sfinx, an 'members tings sfinx haz furgottn. Iz tru. I knoes, cuz I are kitteh.  
  
1ce upawn time n Ulthar, der wuz ol dood n his wife, n dey b in ur town killn ur kittehs. Y dey do dis, I dunno. Maybeez no liek kittehs meown @ nite an runnin roun yardz. Maybeez kitteh has a flavor. Who noes?

Peepz in Ulthar be hearin strange noizez aftr dark n thinkin dees doodz b bad doodz. Dey sez 2 each otter, "Oh. I see what they did there." Dey sez nuttin 2 dooz, tho, cuz doodz look so meen, and der howz are so small n dark n kreepy. Wuz not so great, aktuly. Nstead, peepz of Ulthar kips teh kittehs in der howzes.

1 day, a buncha moar strange doodz came 2 Ulthar, but nu doodz not like otter strange doodz. Dey b telln fortoons, n wurshippn the kitteh godz, which I noes u guessn b bad 4 evil dooz, cep dey no findz out, cuz dey nevar come out ov kreepy howz where dey readn forbidn tomes or lookn @ pr0n. I dunno wat dey doin. I'z not ceiling cat.

Anywai, de nu doodz b nice peepz, speshully dis 1 kid. 1 day kid sez, "I has a kitteh!" N teh nex day, "Noooo! Dey be stealin mah kitteh!" (Sadface.)

Da peepz in Ulthar told kid bout evil doodz in kreepy howz, n so kid, he are sacrificin teh sheep, n prayn 2 kitteh godz, "Halp! Mah deeteez! I can has retribution? Pls kthx!" Kitteh Deeteez sez, "O hai. Shur, I fix ur evil doodz. Cast magic missile, y/n? Also, I upgrade ur ram." My pun. Let me show u it.

So, strange doodz left Ulthar dat nite, n suddnlee derz no kittehs in Ulthar, even deh petz, WTF? Sum peepz in town be wantin drama, sayn strange doodz take deh kittehs 4 revengez. But otters sayn, "Iz moar liek doz evil doodz take teh kittehs." "O rly?" "Ya rly!"

Still, nobuddy are goin 2 kreepy howz. Dey 2 skerrd.

Dis otter kid, he be sayn he seez all teh kittehs in de kreepy doodz' kreepy yard, runnin roun de howz, &amp; de peepz all sez, "O noes! Sumhowz evil doodz b lurin kittehs 2 teh doom!" (Skerrdsadface.)

Teh nex mornin all the kittehs wuz back! Dey lookn rly fat, liek dey eatn cheezburgers all nite. Teh fud: do not want. Just sitn purrn liek wuz Caturday. Wuz v. strange, srsly. Den gotz strangr. No lightz r peerin from kreepy doodz kreepy windowz. Nobuddy are seen evil doodz 4 long long time. Finelee, sum brave peepz from Ulthar sez, "Goin 2 vestigate kreepy howz, brb."

Peepz, dey brake down door, n what u tinks dey seez? Surprise buttseckz! Noes. I makez dat up, lol. Wuz rly 2 evil dood skellytings on teh floor, zomg! Which moar skeerry? U chewz.

Moral of mah storee: vengeful Kitteh Deeteez iz vengeful. Kittehs ov Ulthar make u a retribution, but dey eated it. Turnz owt evil doodz has a flavor. Nom nom nom! (8face.)

2day, no peepz in Ulthar cn kill de kittehs. Tizz gainst lawz now. Win! Teh Enz.


End file.
